UNDER ONE ROOF

I have been wishing that I could have a house of my own.
It's not easy to live with other people, even they're your relatives.
Especially when you're living under other's roof.
Everyone has their own ways of living. Have their own living habits.
That isn't something you can change easily.
We just can change ourselves, since we can't change others.

At home, I can do whatever I want.
Put my things in every corner of the house, and no one will even bother.
In other's place, I have to behave myself.
I don't want to trouble others.
So I have to do something I wouldn't have done in the past.
Just trying my very best to become a better person.

IDIOT

Great, I'm not stupid, but an idiot. I should not have overreacted over it. I should not have angry over it. I was really losing control. I felt kinda stupid and childish.

At the end, I did go to that website. What's the point of me doing this, after all? At the moment, I really didn't seem to be able to help myself. First glance, I did think that I was wrong. Double checked for it, okay, great, I was right about what I saw.


What to do? NOTHING. Nothing I can do.

STUPID

What am I expecting?
What am I thinking?



I'm just so stupid, after all.

LEAVING HOME

I'm in Singapore, looking for job.

This is not the first time I'm leaving home.

Last time, I went to KL for college.

I cried almost every night.

I was silly, I know.

But I couldn't help myself.

KL, was a mighty stranger to me.

I was sad, no one listened to me.

It's like hell not to be able to tell how you feel.

I tried very hard to adapt the new life style.

It took me a long times.

This time, I'm not sure whether I'm strong enough to face everything.

Though it's better, as my relatives all here.

But, it's the same. No one is going to listen to me.

I don't know how to share my feelings.

I don't know what to say.

I'm not as relax as I always do.

I feel stress.

How I'm going to get a job during recession?

What if I can't get a job within one month?

What if I'm not satisfy with the job?

I'm lost.

I don't know what to do.

FORTUNE-TELLER

I went to a fortune-teller today.
Well, that's simply because my mum asked me to.
My mum wanted to ask for wealth, and she wanted me to ask for my career.
In fact, I'm a free-thinker.
But I don't mind to do so.
Maybe, this is superstitious. But she said something right.
She said he's trying to contact me, that's true.
She said, there's a wedge between me and my mum's husband, that's true.
She said, I'm a very filial daughter, I don't know what my mum think about this.
She said, she still can see him in my life, that's a question.
He does try to contact me. But I've decided not to let him step into my life again.
I don't hate him. I think I'm a cold-blood animal. I don't have that kind of feeling.
Passionate emotions, I think I don't have.
I really don't know why I refuse to let him involves in my life again.
That's something I never want to think about.
I think, it's also not necessary to think about.
Some kind of joke, that is the part can be ignored.
But something she said did make me happy.
She said, I can get a job in Singapore, south and north is a good direction for me, and Singapore is in south. That's a question too.
Many people did tell me how bad it is in Singapore.
But I want to try. I don't want to give up without a try.
I'm going to Singapore on coming Monday.
I really really hope that I can get a job within one month.
Just try my luck.

NOT LIKE THIS

They're in Kluang. And we got the chance to gather.
Not really nice actually.
I just only enjoyed the alcohol, nothing besides that.
Something happened.
I was not happy about that.
It bothered me more than it should.
And I tried so hard not to do something really stupid.
Just because it's none of my business.
I don't have the right to do or say anything.

I did better than before.
I realized that I'm capable to behave myself well.
That's a good thing.
I have to tell myself
It doesn't matter to me.
No matter what has happened.

RAINING ALONE

DIFFICULT

I'm not going to be difficult again (I'll try my very best).
I figured if I play nice, things will be easier. For me and others.
Maybe, something just simply can't go back to the way it used to be.
However, it maybe not.
It's hard to tell what others are thinking.
But, I know what I'm thinking.
I think, I know what I want and don't want.
So, I have to do something to get what I want.
I have to control my temper and attitude at the very least.
Say easier than done.
I really hope I'm always on my best behavior.
Not so childish and stupid.
Just try to be a bit more clever.
Have to improve myself.

POSTS

Just read a friend's blog. It has been a long time since she had post.
Because she felt that no one cares enough what she'd said in the blog.
And didn't even know what she said was exactly how she felt.
That's my feeling exactly.
I blog, just simply because I want to unleash my feeling.
However, sometimes I really don't know why I post.
Don't know why I'm doing this.
Don't know what I'm expecting.
I'm the freak!!

Maybe, just maybe, I'm too bored.
Want to do something to distract me.
But it seems doesn't work at all.
No, not at all. Sometimes, it works.
I can still waste a little of my time on this.
Except post, what else it there to do at night?
SMS? MSN?
Negative answer.
They are exactly the 2 things that never make noise.
Because no one is ever find me. Or remember to find me, I should say.